WOW - three days no post!

I was listening to a Van Morrison cd today as I worked... One of the songs is one that a freind and I practiced for our Ann Arbor band "Flute Rock". It was Kevin on guitar, Beth on flute, and Dug the Brewer with his home-made washtub base. Doug never made it to any of the rehearsals, a real shame since he was the brewer and we counted on him to bring the beer, but even without Doug there was enough beer.

Since Beth was a manager at The Arbor Brewing Company where we all worked, we could set up and do a concert anytime we wanted... alas, we never made it that far. But for some reason, that whole experience has made a wonderfully deep impression on me. I can't listen to that song without remembering our dreams of making fools out of ourselves. Right about the time we decided to do this, the seasonal snow storms were beginning... this partly why Doug never made it (the other part was that he spent to much time doing quality assurance on his brews) Anyway, the song makes me feel like winter... in the basement of that old Ann Arbor house with the roommates who stole my deposit and the cat we had to hide in the closet when the landlord came, and roommate Adrian and his girlfriend Jackie with their wonderful way of expressing their affection for each other by screaming and yelling such tender terms of endearment as "F**k you b***!"... "NO! F**k YOU a*****e I never want to see your b****-*ss face again!" (on a daily basis for the entire year... yet they really liked each other).

I used to spend so much time practicing guitar then, and that was when I had that great creative writing class with the teacher who was a fellow waiter at the brew-pub with me... and after the first day of work, Haskell (the teacher), Ronda (another English teacher at UM) and Autumn (the manager who's boyfriend was Todd McFarland's right hand man (for real Jon) going around the country promoting spider-man), and Gary the big flamboyant waiter/bartender went out to celebrate Autumns birthday. At the end of the night I seem to remember something about a kissing survey Autumn, (my new boss mind you) was conducting, so the night ended in a kissing orgy... though very scientific, and we where taking notes. Needless to say, the Creative Writing class was never the same after that.

Anyway, I just really liked working at the brew-pub... even though the job itself was nothing special, it is amazing how much difference the people around you can make in your job satisfaction. Right now I feel no bond with any of my co-workers... there was one who I could joke with and she understood my jokes to some extent, but she left a few weeks ago to have a baby. It's not the other people's fault of course, they seem to have a lot of fun together, but I am going to simplify the blame and put it all on their being Japanese. I don't understand their humor and they don't understand mine, and since I communicate 90% of the time with sarcastic humor, it means that I can only speak to them 10% of the time that I actually want to, and that 10% is usually very serious, thus I have the reputation of being serious and strict/mean or whatever....

I was shocked that one night, at an official work party, they were commenting about movies that were sad, they could not believe that I would cry at a movie, because I am "so serious"... WHAT?!?!?! I cry way too much... anybody that knows me knows I'm a sensitive guy. I cry even when the movie is so dang cheezy that I also want to puke... I cry on the train when I read the newspaper... I cry when I look at Awii and Guri... you get the picture.

Tomoe of course is different, and this very point has come up as a "problem" between us in the past. Sure she is Japanese, and sure she doesn't understand all my humor... though much better than the people at work, and many American's don't get me for that matter, but the reason for sarcasm and humor is a way to relate to people who are not as close... I can feel close through mutual humor, but would much rather feel close through honesty that is not hidden by sarcasm. So far in my life there have only been a few friends who I could get that with. Tomoe is of course one, and I really value the fact that I don't have to use sarcasm and humor with her... but the other people around me here...

One really empty spot that I feel about living here, is that I feel either close to someone, or don't... it is not like in America when I could have close friends, semi-close, acquaintances who are fun, people who understand me so I can be around them, and the rest of the people who I just hated to be around... so much variety back there.

Of course there are some people here that fit in the fun acquaintance group. I do know some foreigners, but I meet them on such an infrequent basis, that I feel reluctant to count them.

I did meet a guy that seems interesting on the train the other day. A singer from New York... but seeing as how I only see Wendy -the friend of a friend who became a close friend of mine after she let me stay at her apartment or a month when I first came to Japan- once every 9 months now, I doubt my own ability to foster a friendship. As it is now, most of the times I go out, are because other people have invited me... I can't remember the last time I invited anyone else to go someplace, so I guess I can't really complain about anything until I put some effort into it.