Slacker

How much play is too much play? Why do I feel guilty about spending an entire Sunday (and a good hunk of Saturday) doing only things that I enjoy? Am I just lazy and irresponsible for saying "screw obligations!". Am I screwing up my future by not doing things that have a somewhat measurable effect on an immediate goal?

Today I did nothing. Nothing that was on my to-do list at least. I didn't work on user support for Mfop. I didn't help any of the people I have told I would help out with a web-site. I didn't study any programming, CSS, or anything else that will help me do my job better. I didn't research any grad-school options. I didn't answer some emails that have been waiting in my inbox for the past week.

I did have a great Saturday walking through unexplored neighborhoods with Tomoe, taking hundreds of photos.

I did have a great Saturday evening browsing through the photography magazines in Book-first while Tomoe spent the hours browsing through the cookbook section.

I did have a great Saturday night watching a so-so video with movie (something with Billy Crystal and John Cusack).

I did have a great Sunday morning playing with the birds and going through some of the photos from Saturday.

I did have a great Sunday afternoon going with Tomoe to Okubo to shop at the largest Korean supermarket in Japan, where she bought all the goodies she needed to make her first Kim-chee. (she has been excited about this ever since she first saw a Korean cookbook a while back. She bought that book Saturday night.)

I did have a great Sunday late afternoon rescuing a sickly sparrow from the mean streets of Yoyogi Uehara.

I did have a great evening just sitting in the kitchen and talking with Tomoe while she tired out the new cookbook.

Why, do I feel guilty? I feel as though I am throwing away my future by not constantly doing something that may be valuable to it. Isn't the reason I want to have some kind of future, so that I can give myself the freedom to have weekends like this? By taking one of the weekends now, am I forfeiting three weekends in the future, in which I will have to work extra-hard because I slacked off today?

These thoughts plague me everyday. Not only when I am slacking, but also when I am working. Am I working the right project, or am I just doing this because I enjoy it more? What's going to happen when all the little to-dos that I am avoiding finally catch up to me?

Dang.