Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I got a few good comments in response to my grad-school choice. First, I have to say that I am pretty sure I'll go. If for nothing else, just so I don't regret not doing it later. Of course I have been thinking more about it, and it was nice to hear other people's thoughts and views.

Gen wrote:

To me, change is almost always a positive force, forcing you to do things differently, live differently, think differently, learn, grow, etc. Change is even better when you are the one deciding upon the changes (rather when they are forced upon you.)

I agree. I used to be all for choosing the path that brought more change. Five years ago I wouldn't even be wondering if I should go or not. Of course five years ago I didn't have such a comfortable and settled life. Ever since graduating high-school, when everyone is forced to make change, I have not been in the same place for as long as I have been here. In the six years between high-school and Tokyo I lived in seven different cities, in two different countries, two states, and two prefectures. Change was the norm then and easier.

Now though, I have lived in Tokyo for almost five years, and I've been in this apartment for over four of them. When I think about it, this is the most settled I have been for a long time. Is that just something that makes change scarier, or is finally being settled a goal. I obviously want to get settled sometime, and I feel more ready now than I ever did before.

Also, consider the opportunity costs of school. That time could be very valuable if you used it wisely in another way. That's the main challenge for grad school- justifying the time away from "life."

The opportunity costs are hard to figure out. I am confident that no matter where I go, or what I do I am able to find opportunities. Going to school would give me some more opportunities, and staying here would give me different opportunities. In my mind though, the monetary cost of those opportunities plays a role. If I go to Sweden, I am paying $1000 / month in living costs for those opportunities, but if I stay here, I can work and get payed, while still finding other opportunities, and keeping some change in my pocket so I don't miss out on any future opportunities I may not be able to afford.

Martine says:

and you know the old saying.... THINKING about doing something is always harder than just DOING it.

But thinking about it doesn't bring any of the negative side-effects that will come with doing it.

Andy says:

When I was a kid I went fishing with my dad and a friend. After a few hours they had caught lots of fish, and I had none. I spent the whole time wandering around the lake looking for a better spot, while they stayed put and fished.

It's nice to hear a voice in favor of staying put as well. When I applied for the school it was because I wasn't happy with the fishing spot I was in. I decided to go to the other side of the lake. On the way there though, I found a nice fishing spot. If I want to make it to the other side of the lake (my original goal) by sundown, I have to leave this good spot in a few minutes. Or, I can stay here until the fish leave, but I don't know when that will be.

Do I stay here and catch as many as I can in the short time before moving on, not knowing if the other side of the lake even has any fish? Or, do I stay here and fish as long as I can while the fishing is good, not knowing how long that will be, but giving up the chance to make it to the other side?

Kelly writes:

I have classes for 4 hours per week. Because it is an international course and there are varying levels of English, we don't have nearly as much reading or as many papers as I had as an undergrad. For me, I have enough time to do all the work for the course well and then I'm also taking a Japanese course full-time, Swedish courses, and still have plenty of time left over. I have heard that the Swedish system not set up to force students to sit in classrooms listening to lecturers but rather for them to do the work outside of class. So, my point is, even if you join the program, if it is anything like what i've experienced, you will still have plenty of time to self-study...and some supplementary lectures and guidance. And a Master's Degree at the end.

That's not very encouraging. I'm not so worried about not having time to self-study if I go there. In fact, I would hope I don't have that much time if I go there. It seems like a real waste to do the same self study there that I could do here, but without all the benefits. I may be better suited for self-study, but if I sure wouldn't go to a University to do total self-study.

Also, having only 4 hours / week would mean my life is pretty much like it is now, except I wouldn't have the work, I wouldn't have the comfy apartment, Tomoe wouldn't be there... instead of sitting here overlooking my bright sunny river, I would be spending most of my time in a crappy dorm doing the same things I can do here?

Also, The reason I applied to the schools in Sweden is that

a) It's cheaper than schools in the US. I'm not sure that I would be able to justify the monetary costs of a degree from an expensive American University.

b) It's not the US. I have lived in the US for a long time, and now Japan for a while as well. If I am going to go to school again, I wanted it to be someplace I have never been, to give me some new perspectives.

While I figured it would not be as challenging scholastically as an American University, I didn't expect it would be as bad as Kelly has described. If I'm going to go there, I want to get something out of it that I can't get on my own. I sure don't want to be held back by it.

everyone here goes out to clubs and parties everyday but i hope you weren't referring to me cause i hardly think that going to a quiet pub once or twice a month is too much.

I wasn't referring to you, which is why I wrote "all the people around her".

I think that if I lived in an apartment I wouldn't feel so old but everyone hereiin my corridor is an undergrad and look at me with pity when i tell them i'm not going to the BIG PARTY in town or, frankly, i don't care what theme they choose for the next corridor party.

But how much is an apartment? Again though, this is discouraging. Either I can live in an apartment for less social contact, or I can have social contact with party-hearty teenagers? So I'm not getting anything out of class, because there are only four hours and no course-work, I'm not getting anything out of the people around me because they are the same people I avoided when I was an undergrad, and would like to avoid even more now... what is the benefit again?

but let me tell you that it will disappear quicker than you think.

How much is it costing you? According to the literature I should be getting by on $1000 /month, but I am always cheaper than most people, so if that is average, I will be lower.

i complained about my life and my job more than not and one more year would have made me a very bitter, angry person. Let's say you pass up this chance and a week later something happens (or like you say, Tomoe leaves Tokyo)...wouldn't you regret it then? And always wonder 'what if...?'

If I was complaining about my life it would be a different story. But I am not right now. I love it. And there is a 90% chance that Tomoe will be in Tokyo again for her next rotation. If not, chances are she would be sent to America, in which case I would join her probably. I'm not so afraid that I will not like life if I don't go, I am just wondering if it will really be as bad as I am imagining.

Which city is this program you were accepted to?

Linkoping, just southwest of Stockholm. map of sweden.

Jonah says:

These kinds of experiences don't come around every day and the older you get the farther away the chances to do something like this will get.

This seems to be the number one reason to go there. The fact that I have to opportunity now, so I feel I might as well take it. These opportunities wont come around so often, but I can always come back after a year and kind-of pick off where I left off. Of course I will have less money, and will have missed out on a great year...

Klaudia writes:

You will decide as You wish, but I would not leave Japan...if I there.

Putting this into a different perspective... I am looking at not going as if it were giving up a unique opportunity, but living in Japan is a unique opportunity too.

When I wrote yesterday, and started this today, I was pretty sure I would be going, but now I'm not anymore... mainly because of what Kelly said about the possible caliber of the program... Although, as I said yesterday, this program is six months in Sweden and six months someplace else in Europe, so the "newness" of the surroundings might make up for any boredom I feel from a less-than engaging learning experience... if indeed it is as bad as Kelly says.

UPDATE: