I just read my post from yesterday for the first time. Some thoughts and reactions:
" If what I do negatively effects other people, that negativity will inevitably come back to harm me, or my children."
I just want to clarify that by this I was not talking about negative karma or negative vibes or anything new-agey like that I am talking strictly real-life, physical world cause and effects.
I'd also like to add one more reason why I am here studying this.
I don't like to be on the stupid team, and I'm angry that I have been for so much of my life.
I don't mind being on the loosing team so much, so long as I am not on the stupid team. Sure, us new-age-hippy-communists are probably wasting our time on a loosing battle, but at least we aren't stupid. Related to this is the anger I feel at being duped for so many years of my life by a stupid society, and manipulative companies (mostly made up of good people who are stuck in a bad situation, or being duped themselves) tricking me into buying their crap, stupidly shooting myself in the foot (actually I would rather shoot myself in the foot than give myself cancer). I am angry that I bought into the whole dumb-arse idea that economic growth through marketing and selling crap is good. I am angry that I never questioned how my actions effect other people, my future, and even my own health. I'm angry that I was stupid for most of my life.
Today a group of us headed over to the nearby nature reserve / organic farm / organic foods shop to help out with some of the yard work. Apart from a great chance to get outside on a beautiful day, a chance to flex our muscles in a non-health-club situation, and a great chance for me to hop in my kayak for a great sunset on the way back, it was also a great chance for me to pay back Henrik (the guy in the funny hat) for letting us camp in the nature reserve for the past two weekend kayak trips.
We were supposed to be digging a simple ditch around the barn housing the organic market, but I got preoccupied with a big rock that was kind-of in the way. The more I tried to remove it, the more I became obsessed, despite the fact that we really didn't need to get rid of it. Eventually, after reinforcements showed up, we were able to move it. My mission was accomplished, and I forgot about the real goal, so was free to pick up my camera.