Like Quicksand?
Is trying to help just part of the problem?
It is time I take an honest to goodness look at myself and my life and to focus on making the changes. I need to quit getting distracted by the computer and the internet. I need to feel substantial again and I can't do that while continually living in an electronic world.
Butuki has announced that he is taking a detour from his blog, leaving the online world for some real life. I somehow feel a loss, and wish that I had made all the comments on his site that I wanted to over the past year, always thinking "I'll drop in to comment over there tomorrow". I'm always inspired by his ability to write his deepest feelings, the kind of stuff that I shy away from. So, I'll try to dig a little deeper here, and clumsily ramble on about the thoughts that don't usually get expressed, even if it is only the tip of the iceberg.
I feel extremely envious at his will power and ability to give it up. I sit here every day at my computer, facing a large window watching the days go buy, thinking about what a pity it is that we are so cut off from the rest of the natural world, the system that allows us to live. The more I think about it, instead of getting out there and getting to know more about that system myself, I start to feel like I have so much more work to do, and that getting out there is wasting time I could be researching something, or writing a paper, or maintaining whatever is left of my web-development contacts so that maybe I can use those web skills to help.
I have been thinking so much lately about my recent revelation that everything we study here is worthless, every energy efficient car, every low watt light-bulb, every solar panel, every company that adopts a strategic framework for sustainability... it's all worthless because these are all moving forward within the boundaries of a faulty "vision". The very fact that I can't think of a better word than the tired, over-used "vision" is simply a sign of my lack of imagination, adding to the general lack of imagination that keeps people like us sitting behind the computer, trying to find ways to fix our current way of living, unable to see an entirely new way of living.
Recently, I have been evangelizing to the rest of my class for the use of blogs and other social networking tools to keep and build our connections as we move back into our old lives in the fall. It's stupid though. It's trying to fit what we want into a world that doesn't seem to want that for us. Yes, we want to keep the relationships we have built here. We don't want to say goodbye to people. We don't want to loose the opportunities that would arrise from those connections. But what if, instead of trying to hang so tightly to those connections, we had the vision and imagination to see a world where we have enjoyed learning from each other throughout the year, but when we leave, in the name of living what we are here to promote, we stop promoting the lifestyle that we are fighting. Instead of spending more hours in front of the computer to keep those connection, we are strong enough to say "It was great. I learned a lot. Perhaps we will see each other again, but keeping (or building) our connection to the real world, the 'natural' world of which we are a part, is most important." What if we had the vision and imagination to realize that whatever relationships we have built here don't need constant nurturing through email and other unsustainable long distance communications. What if I could agree to take what I have learned from each person here, and make that the connection, making time and space offline for new connections to learn new things from wherever I end up next?
I don't know if this makes any sense, and I don't want to take time to re-read it before I post it, so I will try to phrase it differently. I wonder if it all comes down to the fact that by telling ourselves we are trying to help, we are simply making things worse. The last and only hope is if we can break from the only reality we know, where the things we like and value should be kept at all costs. Instead, we have to learn to value new things. While I value the relationships I have made here, should I strive to maintain them at the expense of the very concepts which those relationships have been built on? It scares me to think that in the future I won't be able to free myself enough to spend time outside, understanding the system we are a part of. If I can't do that, why should I expect that anything that comes as a result of my work will allow anyone else to?
I guess people will argue that unless we mobilize and network to "get the message out" or promote "sustainable development" we will lose. But what if we have already lost? Is it like quicksand, where the more you struggle the faster you sink? Knowing that the tools we use to frantically promote sustainability are themselves part of the very problem, are we not simply causing ourselves to sink faster? Sure, if we stop struggling we will still sink, but maybe it would be better to sink calmly, at peace, living a life in line with our espoused values and beliefs. Maybe it would be better to enjoy the last bits of whatever we have that is good rather than fighting until there is nothing good left and nothing worth fighting for.
Comments
I think the internet is perhaps the best tool we (as a species) have to perhaps bring awareness to the people of the world affected by the actions we are taking.
I know what you mean when you suggest wouldnt it be better to perhaps not struggle and sink a little slower into the sand, but that is what happens to societies that eventually die out, an ignorant, apathetic society is not one to evolve and adapt. The Roman Empire stagnated, didn't adapt to a changing world, the Aztecs/Mayans, even the British Empire, all assumed that things would be OK and 'the bad things' would go away if the status quo prevailed.
I think that the online world, if properly done, coordinated and researched can make a difference, but it has to come from the people, because there are so many organisations and groups who would rather we not know 'who' is causing 'which' environmental damage.
I view the internet and the people I meet as an important part of my life.
Every contact I make, every piece of information I digest makes me who I am, it shapes me, and hopefully enriches... I discovered that not only was I eating rubbish, was producing too much.
It is my equivalent of the village meeting place, a place where news, gossip, commentary occur as it has always done in the past in all human societies.
I think it is important because (and I speak from an English point of view) that in modern societies which are urban city-based the small close-knit village meeting places, the opportunities, even the village elders have no place and cannot be found.
Here I am communicating with you, and you back, sharing thoughts. In another time and place we could be a pair of Greek philosophers, Roman guards, Elizabethan peasants talking about the state of the world... the societal structures were available then to do this, but we have rebuilt a world where there is no place for this... the 'net provides a chance for debate and learning.
There is one thing though I cannot understand, is why there is no public clammering for action about the coming environmental storm (if we carry on as we are)?
There is more interest in the Michael Jackson trial than the prospect of the world getting 'x' degrees hotter... Ugh.
I suppose its human nature, but you know I cannot think of any other species on the planet that actively constructs processes of its own demise as we do.
There is an inbuilt natural balance to all things, too many of one species in a single environment and depopulation kicks in until the balance is found again.
Lets just hope we correct the balance ourselves before nature does it in its efficient yet ruthless way.
By the way, if you want a participant for a survey or whatnot you have planned for your thesis than I would be honoured to tender my offer to help.
Posted by: RoboNuggie | February 2, 2005 08:46 AM
I've been meaning to comment forever, but always felt a little out of my league. I have to admit, a lot of what you write about I don't understand very well. Still, I feel deeply about the situation that you write about, and would like to offer my two bits.
For one, I agree with the previous commenter, that the internet has become for us what the village square was for those of a different time. The dialogue and intellectual freedom afforded by the internet is a good thing. The opporunity it affords to meet and chat with like-minded individuals is necessary to democracy or citizenship or whatever you want to call it. But the dialogue afforded by the internet musnt't end there.
There needs to be a grounding in the real world, which is to say in the dirt and the muck of the forest and the fields.
If we really want to learn about the environment/save the world/eat organice/etc., it might be wise to learn about such things first-hand: cut a cord of wood, learn how to tie a proper knot, shoot and skin a deer, work the summer in a field of potatoes.
Perhaps if I were able to identify the edible mushrooms in the mountains near my house, the world would be a better place for it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it goes both ways. The information available on the internet, the opportunity it affords, is a good thing. But it shouldn't be wasted on mindless babble. It should be chanelled back into the real world, where it can make a real difference.
Anyway, keep up the blogging. I enjoy reading it and learning from it.
Posted by: jon | February 3, 2005 04:08 PM
thanks jon and robo. I agree with you. (I have no choice really) but I still think it is ironic that the tools that may, in the end, finally give us some voice and control, are actually also driving us faster to desctruction.
But, Jon, you say you don't understand a lot of what I write about. This is good feedback. I guess I have always been just writing and spending little time on editing what I write for readability or flow. ( like this one, I didn't reread it until the next day) I should start doing that. It's no use putting it up there if it's incoherent. Thanks!
Posted by: kevin | February 3, 2005 05:51 PM
Not that its incoherent, but that some of it is over my head (I only ever took one half-year course on sustainability and development, and that was through the history department of my universit -- a lot of talk about Bretton Woods, the WTO, the World Bank and why sustainability is just another word for development which is just another word for colonialism which all ties in nicely to globablization which is supposedly irreversible and unstoppable).
So while I've been in Japan, bastish has been one of my main sources of information on these issues. I can't exactly pop into a bookstore and have a browse now. Speaking of which, how about a books sidebar?
Posted by: jon | February 4, 2005 03:37 PM