I'm Awesome; Almost a god

I thought I would feel better after sending off my essay a few minutes ago, twenty minutes before the deadline. I don't. Although it is somewhat comforting to know that my essay is "the best" essay, because as Judith commented yesterday, "the best essay is a done essay".

Thank's Judith. I actually mentioned you in the essay as having played a small part in leading my to finish it ;)

In a somewhat related note, Tomoe got mad at me for "underestimating" myself, or at least acting like I do, making note of how I tend to downplay my abilities on the blog and in conversation.

Now that she mentions it, I guess I can see it. The thing is, I didn't really intend to. My last post, for example, when I wrote that I have discovered I am not a writer, I didn't really mean it as though I truly believe I am a poor writer. Not to say I can't benefit from a writing course, lots of practice, and a spell-checker, but I don't feel I am really that bad. I think what I was alluding to more yesterday, is that I am quite self-conscious about my writing, when facing the prospect of writing about a complex issue in a short space, I freeze up, especially if there is no opportunity to follow up. One of the major characteristics of the blog that allows me to keep it up, is that I can always change my mind and write something different tomorrow.

Another difference between writing on the blog and trying to write an essay or paper, is the concept of a "final draft". The fact that it is final, of course, means that I should make sure I get it right... that makes me think... that reveals how complex the issue is... that prevents me from making broad, blanket statements... than means I have to discuss *everything*... that makes it too big to handle. Writing for the blog is quick and dirty. I don't spend too much time thinking about the wording, and I don't proof-read. I have found that the surest way to keep an idea from surfacing on this blog is to start proof-reading it... it will never be good enough, and it will never see the light of day. This is also probably why my posts get into that rambling mode. (like now)

So I was talking about downplaying my abilities.... Tomoe has also mentioned this to me in regards to comments I make about my photos sometimes. Let's get one thing straight. If I sound like I am downplaying my photography, it is a misunderstanding. Although I go through periods where I don't have as many good photos, I am, for the most part, dang proud of my photos. Much more so than my writing. That is not to say, of course, that I consider myself an expert. I could stand to learn much more about my camera. I really should rely less on Photoshop, and I should learn how to use Photoshop more effectively for what I do do with it. But on the whole, I do feel that I somehow have some knack for noticing and capturing better than average, sometimes great, images.

So, what else can I brag about?

I have kept my figure quite well considering that I am almost thirty-one and drink a lot of beer.

I consider myself to be quite patient.

I make a mean bean soup.

I'm not mean myself.

I am flexible (I don't mind moldy cabbage in my fridge)

About the only thing I feel bad about myself now is that dang essay I just submited. It's CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! DUOH! CRAPPY ESSAY! CRAPPY ESSAY!