Childish Development

Tomoe says that my imagination is going crazy lately. I have to agree as almost everything I see sets off some child-like thought, sometimes involving super powers, fantastical attributes to inanimate objects, ideas for useful inventions, but often times they are thoughts that are more within the realm of reality. It's almost like I'm twelve again. And it's not just my imagination that seems to have been rejuvenated either. I am a lot more inquisitive and interested in small wonders than usual. For example, today I caught a moth laying an egg on one of my roof-top-garden radishes (which were devastated by the moth larvae while we were gone). I realized that, although I knew intellectually what was going on, I had never actually seen it happen before. I was so excited at witnessing it that I almost wrote Tomoe an email at work to tell her.

Sometimes, of course, I feel stupid; being excited about something so "elementary" or expressing some imaginative thought that is so obviously crazy, but then again, if it popped into my mind, why not express it? And besides, being filled with wonder and making up stories in my mind is loads more fun than suppressing my inner child. (I'm thinking about making myself some GI-Joe like action figures.)

This got me wondering about why I may be so much more imaginative lately. Not having spent too much time dwelling on it, I think I can attribute this fun change to one main cause: I have time. But time alone is not enough... after all, if I spent all my time reading blogs, watching TV, or playing computer games I doubt I would get much out of it. Rather, having time has allowed me to play with botany, experiment with cooking, "re-learn" basic biology (I am still working my way through the biology textbook and the web-site, and loving it. Every day I learn something cool and fascinating), spend time noticing things that I never had time to notice. I now have time to do things that are not "career related"... i.e. things that are irresponsible by society's standards.

As restless (and sometimes worthless) as I feel lately because I don't have a "real job" (regardless of the fact that I am always busy), I can't help but fear that in order to feel "worthful", I will have to give up the gift of time and once again conform to an imaginationless, relatively explorationless world of "adulthood".

How can I keep my imagination alive, keep having fun, keep learning, and, at the same time, dedicate the time required to "specialize" in a specific topic that will make me once again a productive adult in this messed up world? In other words, how can I become a working child?

I suppose I will spend some of my free time now to think about that, and in the mean time, I'm gonna continue to revel in and soak up as much biology as I can, exercise my imagination, and most importantly, play.