The Fantasy that Nags

So I should be traveling around Japan this month, taking pictures of the sunrise in Hokkaido. Instead I am stuck here in my beautiful kitchen, in my pajamas, with the birds sharing my breakfast of tea and fresh baked (actually microwaved) bread. Its raining today, which is one of the reasons I chose to work from home rather than ride my bike into the office (but the birds and the pajamas are a bigger reason). Even with the rain though, it is warm enough to open the kitchen window and look out over my roof-top garden - currently little more than a collection of dried bean stalks, but in it I see possibilities. I make a note on my to-do pad "plant more spinach".

I take comfort in the fact that Amy, who was selected to go on the cross Japan journey found out about it through a note I sent to the Tokyo Blog Dork mailing list. Still, I can't shake the fantasy of actually being there myself. I have had a similar fantasy for so long now - to ride my bike around Japan with nothing but a tent, a sleeping bag, a lap-top and a camera. Its a fantasy that is always there in my "well, if all else fails" contingency plan. The thinking goes that if I get fired and can't find any new clients, or if i get kicked out of the house and can't find an apartment, I can always ride my bike around Japan. Sometimes I think some of my more self-destructive behavior is a subconscious attempt to force me into that situation. Missing a work deadline, antagonizing Tomoe... maybe its better just to make the trip and get it out of my mind so I can come back to my comfy life in my kitchen with the birds and my garden.