Multi-Dreaming my Life

So I often think of myself as lacking focus. Anyone who knows me knows that I jump from one idea to another, never really seeming to make headway on any of them. A frustrated friend once told me I am like a shotgun.

I was thinking about that last night and this morning as I lay in bed.

On the surface, it seems like it is true. I have come to the point where I hate to share my latest "This is what I want to do" idea with anyone because they have already heard me saying that I want to do something different just a few days earlier.

And yet, when I think about it, I wonder if I am not really just doing a big multi-task of my life.

It is obviously not the most efficient way to live or work - to jump back and forth between projects or tasks. But it does allow one to finish several things in one day (although at lower levels of quality) whereas focusing on doing one thing well means just that - at the end of the day you have done one thing well.

As zoom out and look at my life, I see that even though I seem to have different ideas of "I'm gonna do this" every week, they are all related to some basic themes that have been constant over the years. And what's more encouraging, is that when I step back, I see that I am actually making progress on each of those themes. (my current work included)

Granted, if I were to focus on any one, I would have made a lot more progress on it, but the reason I can't focus is that I can't forget about the others. Subconsciously, if I notice that one of the dreams is falling behind, I jump over and focus on it a bit (usually a very little bit). Not enough to "make it happen" then and there, but just enough that it doesn't get left behind and influences my daily choices in a way that I am making progress that is all but undetectable when I look at it in terms of days, weeks, or months (as I too often do). Yet, somehow, I am slowly building the life I want. I am definitly always getting closer.

Just as I was thinking this, I got to work today and was talking to a co-worker. What we talked about led quickly into the Open Space for Sustainability dream I mentioned a few days ago as "yet another failed or incomplete project". And while we didn't decide anything, or make any plans, but I feel so much more closer to realizing it than I did then.

If I wasn't such a dreamer - someone who can't focus or let go of my fantasies - maybe I would have dropped that idea from my to-do list long ago and buried it.

I noticed also, as I was explaining the concept of OS to that co-worker, that an OS-ish principle for my life is to quit worrying if I am making progress, and just accept that "whenever it happens is the right time". Maybe the OS idea will suddenly be realized in the next few months... maybe it will sleep again for a year or two or three. Maybe it will morph into something else. Maybe I will loose interest and it will die.

The only thing I really have to do is stop worrying about it and never forget to jump from dream to dream. But also realize that even if I decide not to follow the "big dream" now, or if I decide to follow it and temporarily take myself of the track toward realizing the current-work-related dream, niether of them will have failed nor be out of reach.