I'm Hap - hap- happy again

I don't know what to write about. For some reason I am a negative type guy who likes to complain a lot, but when things are going so well as now, I have nothing to say. I guess its because I don't want to make all the rest of you who can't possibly be as happy as me even more dissatisfied with your miserable lives.

Hey! Maybe happiness is a good topic to talk about!

It just so happens that I have been hearing and seeing quite a bit about a new book by some Harvard Psychology professor about how to find happiness. I haven't read the book, but the most comprehensive interview I have heard so far was on Diane Rehm.

The most memorable point he brought up was about how there is a "disinformation war" regarding happiness, and it is being waged on us on two fronts.

On the one hand, our genes are tricking us into thinking that having babies will make us oh-so-happy. Happy happy happy. After all, if we don't believe we will be happy when we have kids, those pesky little genes will die off.

On the other hand, our cultural system is telling us that being rich will make us happy. After all, what would happen to our culture if we only consumed what we actually needed? And what is the best way to get people to consume more? Make them think that being rich will make them happy. They will not only sacrifice more of their life in the pursuit of getting rich, but they will also consume more to "pretend" that they are rich in the hopes, I guess, that it will lead to happiness.

Which little voices are you listening to?

The author points out that while most parents say that their children are the greatest joy in their life, the data does not agree. In fact, when people have children their overall happiness level drops, and it doesn't go back up until the kids move out.

Of course, looking back, people remember the experience as happy, - but that is (he believes) because our genes trick us into believing it. At the actual time of the experience, however, the participants in his studies generally claimed to be unhappy.

I guess it like how feeling the pain of a good "dove pose" in yoga makes me want to quit, but as soon as I let go of that awkwardly contorted leg, my head is full of beautiful thoughts.

The next trick is money.

The data shows that winning the lottery does not make people happy. They end up being the same person they are now - just with a lot of money. For one thing, people adapt to that level of income very quickly.

The data also shows some diminishing returns. Money makes really poor people happier, but once they reach a certain level (middle class), more money generally brings less happiness.

Of course there are reasons for this. He sites lottery winners being called parents asking for money to save a dying kid - not a pleasant experience by anyones standards. Its specially a downer if it happens on a daily basis.

What does make people happy?

His studies show that engaging in altruistic acts is a great way to make people happy. (but I suppose if you do it with the goal to be happy its no longer altruistic).

So why don't more people do more altruistic things?

The problem is that people can't anticipate that happiness. We can more accurately predict our future emotions by looking at other people's experience than imagining it for ourselves. That is to say, when presented with an opportunity to commit a random act of kindness, we are unable to envision how it will make us happy. Of course, when watching a movie, we always know what the protagonist should do - he or she is the only one that seems to be in the dark.

This is similar with marriage. Evidence suggests that arranged marriages end up happier on average than "love" marriages - because we can envision the outcome of other peoples actions better than our own. If the person who arranges the marriage knows the two participants well enough, they can choose better than the participants themselves - who for some reason have this inability to accurately envision the outcome of their own actions (often because the decision is made when they are literally "blinded" by love - meaning that their body is full of some endorphins and what not that prevent them from thinking straight).

On a final note, he gives his secret to happiness: monotony.

He says that what makes him happy is wearing the same pants every day of his life, and eating the same meal every Sunday of his life. Because choice brings unhappiness.

Yes, Variety and choice decreases happiness.
Perhaps this Is this why the people in poor (but not poverty-stricken) countries that we are trying to save by bringing into our consumption lifestyle seem so happy without all the crap that makes us unhappy.

Now, I am not saying at all that I will give up the incredible amount of choice that I am exercising this very minute, as I sit at home writing on my blog (after four hours of workout, a nice bike-ride, and attending to some other non-profitable ventures) while other people are sitting in their office making money. I can make that choice because I know I don't have to worry about the future. I know that I have the skills and smarts to never go hungry, to never need for more.

What makes me most unhappy when I am exercising that ability to make money (in some office somewhere) is knowing that I could be doing something different, something more in line with what I (think I) want to do. Of course I can never be sure because apparently we humans suck at seeing what will really make us happy. I do feel lucky though in that I don't appear to be as tempted by my genes to make babies, or by society to make a crap-load of money, as it seems many of the people around me are. (and I guess that having a baby probably leads to the idea that the parents need more money, and conversely, working so hard to make a lot of money that doesn't make one happy may lead to the idea that having a baby might make them happy... a vicious circle?)

I wonder what it would be like if I lived a choice where I really had no choice... If I was a Chinese factory worker who has to sew the eyes on dolls in order to live. I suppose then so many more little things would make me so much happier - like that 15-Minute Maternity Break.

Maybe that's what I chose someone to marry who takes away all my "choice" by telling me exactly what to do and where to go: