Remembering the dream

What will happen if I keep focusing on being happy now instead of sacrificing current happiness for that mythical future moment when I have "earned" it?

I'm fighting the voice in my head that says "you looser, you are not doing anything. Just sitting there playing with your camera and taking pictures and running and reading and "planning"! Always planning but never doing. Always dreaming, but never waking up. You can't make money doing that, and if you don't get off your ass you will never be able to make money in Tokyo again. You will end up in a box on the street.

That voice has a point. It's only logical that if I don't get off my butt and start doing something I will soon find myself with nothing and be force to either live in a box or go back to one of the many jobs I have discarded as "not for me".

On the other hand, I am constantly amazed at how much closer some of my ideas and projects get to becoming reality each day, even though I don't feel like I am working on them as hard as I should or could.

Yesterday I got some more news that my situation with the current big dream has improved - another connection that I was not looking for. One that can only help. And yet, I feel so guilty that I am not focussed 24/7 on making it happen. I am not the ambitious self-starting entrepreneur. It takes me a week to get something done that the people I read about in FastCompany would get done before lunch.

No, I'm just a lazy guy with a dream who, for some reason, the world takes pity on. It's almost as if so long as I remember the dream, the world remembers me.