Leaving Yen Town

It is taking me a while, but I am coming to grips with the fact that, as a result of my little self-improvement adventure this summer, my income has fallen below my outgo. In reality there is no reason to "worry" since I had actually made plans long ago thinking it would have happened sooner, and yet the money kepi roll... er, trickling in.

Now I am planning further "self improvement" this winter which will only exacerbate the situation. And yet, I am feeling pretty "OK" with my new life as a bum.

I anticipated anxiety - tossing and turning at night wondering "how will I afford to retire?", but thoughts of money only tickle my panic button ever so slightly - just enough to cause me to think twice about having that second beer. I feel no anxiety about buying the things I need, but this may be because realizing that everything I don't buy means I can be a bum that much longer. It really helps me to realize what I *really* need. Not much. And now that I am thinking in terms of "buying this equals giving up X days of my life", instead of thinking in terms of money that just shows up in my bank account each month, my values have become much clearer.

Actually, the biggest thing that I have been struggling with is just being comfortable with using the free time I have from not working to do all the things on my To-Do list that I never had time for. Things such as dedicating three-plus hours each day to my physical well-being - running, workout, yoga, etc. Things such as dedicating three-plus hours each day to (re)learn Japanese. Things like finally finishing that speed reading book that is four years overdue from the library (my reading speed has tippled in the past week). Things such as watching those "Learning Photoshop" DVDs I have had sitting on my desk for the past year.

For some reason I still have (although it is shrinking) this nagging feeling that I should be "working like a responsible adult". Now, if I was spending all my time surfing the blogosphere I would completely understand this feeling, but the things I am spending my time on are mostly from the "not urgent but important" quadrant of my priority matrix. In fact, I am extremely proud at my ability to stay off-line - I don't even feel a need to read email on a daily basis anymore. Its liberating to say the least.

I have turned down some jobs that would give me that warm and fuzzy "see, I am not a bum" affirmation, and yet I constantly think "Next week I better start looking for some paying work". But I find myself tempted now to make my bum-dom last longer. Not because I could not squeeze in time for work - especially work I would enjoy - but rather because I want to teach myself how to be comfortable without an income. I want to learn how to stop worrying about what TVhas taught me to worry about. I want to become comfortable in the knowledge that I will *never* starve. But mostly, I want to enjoy my life while I am still thirty-one (thirty-two?).

I must confess though, that it is not all hard work with the study and working out. Some of the "workouts" are hiking and biking in the mountains, and some of the "study" is watching Japanese dramas and movies, such as one of my all-time favorite movies, Swallowtail Butterfly. I saw it many years ago and somehow forgot that they hardly speak and Japanese in it, so it was not much for help to study, but its one of those movies that just gets better every time you watch it.

As I was waiting for Tomoe to get ready for a walk this afternoon, I snapped a few shots of the monitor and played with them in PS because I am in love with the camera work. I mean - if I saw these scenes on the street I surely take the shot, so why can't I get it from my computer monitor? (copyright issues aside)