Well, today I had a nice, peaceful, restful, boring day. Lately, I rarely have the opportunity to take a whole day and do nothing with it...now I remember why. Even though I look foreward to these days, I HATE spending the entire day inside, not doing anything worthwhile. At the end of the day, I need to feel as though I've accomplished something- anything,no matter how small or trivial. Well, today I rolled out of bed around 12:30. It was raining so I watched a little TV and read a book. I've just started an interesting yet gruesome book about Japanese biological warfare and experimentation durning World War II called Unit 731 Testimony. It is hard to believe some of the things that happened (I won't post them here out of consideration for the squeemish, but if you don't know the story, I recommend checking it out.) I am only a little ways into the book but it has been really making me think about war, the consequences and ethics, etc. Especially with the current situation in America. (I won't get into that here though, I'm sure my opinions are far to naive to be pasting them all over the internet.)

Anyways, my parents called me today, too. According to my mother, "I had some minutes to waste on this phone card so I thought I'd give you a call." It warms the heart. But really, there wasn't much to say. Besides the fact that none of us have terribly exciting lives, I hate talking on the telephone. It was nice talking to them but I don't think she even got to use up all of her minutes before we ran out of things to talk about.

I decided to that I need to get serious about my application to graduate school. I have always been a procrastinator and work best under pressure but this time, I really feel that I should get it in just so I can stop thinking about it. In the past, anytime I have applied to a program like this I have sent the application in at the last minute, never even giving it too much effort. I always figured that if I was accepted, I was accepted. If not, no big deal. Even the first time I came to Japan, I had mixed feelings. Did I really want to come here or was I being silly? Whatever was decided, it would have been ok with me since I really didn't have any feelings either way. (although, I did want to study abroad, it's just that Japan was not my first choice.) The second time I came to Japan, I wanted to come but if I wasn't accepted, I could have easily gone on with my life. This time, for some reason, things are different. I find that I really want this opportunity and, to be honest, that scares me. I have always been pretty easygoing. Even if plans don't work out the way I want, I get over it pretty quickly and, in most cases, I end up thinking that the alternate route was better than the original. I have come to realize this so I tend not to worry too much about things. For instance, this last time I came to Japan, I had no worries. I figured things would work out one way or another, if by some chance they didn't, I'd just ended up back at home a month or so later after an experience, no worse for wear. This time I cannot stop imagining myself in grad. school, in Sweden, learning something that I am really interested in. I wrote my resume for the application today and it took the better part of the day. I tried to start on the 'Motivation Essay' but nothing would come to me. Well, actually, too much came to me that I couldn't organize my thoughts and put them on paper. Everytime I wrote something, I tired to imagine my interviewer reading it and saying, "What an idiot!" I have managed to sqeeze out a paragraph (most of which I'm sure I will delete the next time I read it). The application isn't due for 2 months but I think that if I don't get it in soon, I may go crazy thinking about it. After I get it in things are out of my hands so I will feel much better...I hope.

Anyways, as a nice end to the day, I got to talk to some of my long-lost friends on the computer tonight. Vincent, Mieke, Hideo, and Atsu. Though it was nice talking to them, I sure wish they were all here so we could head out to the club (Club Yonkkai) Good times....