Well, I finally got out f the house. I didn't do anything exciting, just took a walk but at least I got some fresh air.

I felt a lot better after I got to work (that's something you've never heard me say and you probably will never hear me say it again). A postcard had come from an ex-student and her family. Actually, I was teaching the whole family for a couple of months before they moved away. They were great students and I always enjoyed teaching them so I was extra happy to get this postcard.

Then I also have a fun private lesson. It's a woman just a few years older than me and we share a lot of the same interests so it's more like a regular conversation.

I was feeling so good after work that I went for a jog for the second time this week! I'm on a role. Tomorrow's pottery and I'm looking forward to it. The only problem is that it's supposed to rain all day and riding my bike for 30 minutes in the rain, one way, is always a downer. Maybe I'll get lucky and it won't start till later in the afternoon.

Boy, I really need to get a life. Today I didn't have to be at work until 3:30. Normal people would get up at a resonable hour, get ready and go out to do something with their time. Or maybe clean the house, read a book, study...do something. What did I do with my free time? I did nothing. Really--nothing.

I woke up (with much struggle) around noon. Of course, I didn't get to sleep until around 3am so it's not so bad, right? Anyways, since waking up I've been sitting on my bed watching tv in a vegitative state, periodically checking my email or a miscellanious web site.

Of course, I had thought of doing something but what? It is so insufferably hot here already. Today the temperature soared to 86 plus humidity! Alright, I know, 86 is actually a pretty nice temperature but the inside of my apartment is always about 10 degrees hotter. So, sapped of all energy, I sit here knowing I should excape but lacking the will-power to do it.

Also, should I venture out, I would most certainly end up spending money wastefully. I would buy a drink, maybe something to eat, maybe I'd stumble into a shop and see something that I like....Or I can sit here, drink and eat what's in my fridge and not spend my money on something that I'll probably get tired of a week from now.

My boss just called to tell me that my first class was canceled. My first thought was, 'Alright! That gives me another 1 1/2 hours free!!' Then it hit me that I'm not doing anything with my time and am starting to feel sick sitting here. So, again, what to do? Had I know that I wouldn't have to go in to work until 5:30 I'd have gone into town, maybe to a coffee shop or something to study because I can't study here for some reason.

--But, then again, that would set me back at least 500yen. And then there would be the pull of all my favorite shops around there. Well, I've had enough! It's time to do something. I'll let you know later what exciting thing I've decided on.

As I mentioned in my last blog, things have been going pretty well for me lately. I havn't heard any conclusive news from Lund University yet but based on the email I received from the coordinator of the program, I am not worried.

Of course, work never fails to tick me off. Just yesterday my boss took one of my students aside and scolded him for 5 minutes and told him he doesn't need to come back...Why? I don't know. The kid is a real sweety. When I first started teaching him, he had a problem staying awake during class. Then he was teased by some of the other boys in the class so he tried to quit but I convinced him to pick a different class. For the past few months he has been the ideal student. He's enthusiastic about learning, he gets along well with everyone, I really enjoy teaching him. Now I am worried that my boss scared him away because, as my boss said, 'he has a bad attitude.' Funny, I see him for 1 to 2 hours per week and my boss saw him for 2 minutes...I wonder what he saw that I didn't.

Anyways, despite the fact that I said I am tired of living in Japan, I had a good day yesterday. First of all, on my way to pottery class, I found myself riding next to an old woman. We came across a blinking green-turned-red traffic light. As the light turned red, she looked at me and darted out into the intersection. I thought, 'Well, I am certainly not going to let gramma get the better of me!' so I followed suit. On the other side of the road (which, by the way, getting there turned into a bigger ordeal than one would think) she turned to me with a huge triumphant smile and said...something. I had my headphones in so I couldn't really hear her but I nodded enthusiastically. Our 'bond' only lasted a few minutes more but in that short time, I remembered what I liked about Japan in the first place. That feeling stayed with me all day.

I remember when I first came to Japan, I couldn't get over how nice everyone was. EVERYONE! I felt like a celebrity! These days, I'm lucky if someone opens a door for me. Now, I don't want to leave the impression that I'm some kind of 'prima donna'. To be honest, I've often been accused of just the opposite--expecting too little of people. But, after getting used to such 'celebrity' treatment, it is hard to return to normal. I shouldn't even say 'normal'. I can't remember the last time I met someone new in a social situation. That's really sad.

However, I keep telling myself it's by choice. For the last 5 years or so, I have been moving back and forth from Michigan to Japan and have made many friends along the way. For me, saying goodbye is always painful. I don't really know why. I'm not really a sentemental person. (although, lately, I don't know what's going on. These days, I cry at the drop of a hat.) Anyways, I've been telling myself that I don't want to meet and get close to anyone because I will just have to say goodbye in a couple of months. Why bother making new friends if you are just going to turn into 'manditory' email buddies? I've made enough pen pals who never write back in my life that I'm not interested in any more...at least, that's what I keep telling myself.

Anyways, I despite my good fortune lately,I'm still not on top of the world. Tonight I watched Crossroads. I know, a lot of you are judging me for watching a Brittany Spear's movie. I swear, it wasn't my choice. Anyways, as I was watching, I remembered once again, my life's dream...I've always wanted to be musical. I admit, I've been blessed with sufficient brains, atheletic ability, and a good enough personality that I've not suffered any. However, music has always been a dream of mine...Singing, dancing, playing an instrument...anything would do. But, alas, I am not musical. When I was younger, I took piano lessons. That is the extent of my musical training...except 'boner chorus' at Sem. This was the worst of the 3 manditory choirs-- reserved for trouble-making, tone-deaf boys. I had the distinct, historic honor of being one of the first 10 girls assigned to the choir, making it co-ed for the first time since its institution...who knows how many decades before.
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My dreams crushed, now my only hope is that my children will be (somehow) blessed with musical ability despite all hereditary odds. We'll see.

Well, I'm feeling much better these days. Actually, I've been feeling better for a while but I've just been too busy to write anything here.

It all started Saturday when I went to Nokonoshima with some friends. The original reason for going was to celebrate another friend's wedding which was the same day in Korea. Since none of us could attend, we decided to have a beach BBQ in his honor. Of course, I think we all realize that it had less to do with him and more to do with a good excuse to have a party. But we did write a message to him in the sand and take our picture next to it...though he will probably never see the picture.

In any case, it was fun. The weather was perfect and the food was great. Someone even caught an octopus! They insisted on throwing it on the grill even though no one really wanted to eat it for fear of contamination. The part of the island that we were on has particularily greenish-black water.

On Sunday nothing happened, I was so tired from Saturday I left the house only to go grociery shopping.

Monday-- I finally got some word on my Master's program at Lund University. I had e-mailed the coordinator on Friday to get some answers. He replied on Monday and, although nothing is official, it looks like I'll be heded for Sweden in the fall! He said that basically I've been accepted but they just have to check my documents, i.e. diploma, transcripts, etc. Since I don't remember forging or lying about any of those things, I think I'm in the clear. So, now I have to go about finding a place to live, learning Swedish, saving money. I am pretty excited...and relieved! I'm sure my parents are, too. When I told them that I was basically accepted, they said, 'good, cause we already have our tickets booked to visit.'

I know, I shouldn't have said anything until it was 100% for sure but, I have been waiting for what seems like ages and I couldn't wait any longer.

To make things BETTER. I got an email from one of my friends, Katie, who studied at Kyushu University a couple years ago. (if you look at the picture on the bottom of my main page, Katie is the one in the blue jacket sitting in the train.) Anyways, she told me that she is planning a trip to Fukuoka in June. To top it off, I just happen to have a small break during that time!

I know there was something else good that happened recently but I can't remember now. I'm too tired and I've been looking at this computer way too long.

Sigh...I don't know what the problem is but lately I've been feeling pretty down in the dumps. I woke up this morning and immediatly though, 'Ick, Friday. I really hate Fridays!' Then I realized that I said the same thing about Thursday...and Wednesday...and Tuesday...and...

Yesterday I woke up early to go to pottery class. I usually look forward to that but it was pouring rain and I really was not in the mood. To make matters worse, on my way to class I was riding my bike past an international dormitory near my house and there was a group of students standing outside. One of them threw a plastic bottle at me! I suppose it could have been an accident that it flew 10 feet in the air and passed right by my head but somehow I don't see it.

I suppose I'm tired of Japan. Maybe I just live a boring life. I don't really have many good friends here. A lot of the people who I considered 'friends' have moved away. Those that havn't are just too busy to do anything. I have also been pretty busy lately between work, pottery and tutoring. I also just picked up a new tutoring gig. From now on I'll be teaching an English class at Kyushu University for some of Jin's lab partners. It is pretty funny. I get to use the old-style chalkboards and everything.

Anyways, I am not often depressed and don't really know how to handle it. Since I've stopped drinking and am forcing myself to eat healthy-that doesn't really leave me with many options for comfort. Today I went on a salad binge but it really didn't work as well as chocolate.

Still waiting for word about grad. school. I'm feeling pretty negative about it and can't decide if I'm feeling negative because I'm feeling negative about everything these days, or if I'm feeling negative about everything these days because I'm feeling negative about grad. school.

Well, tomorrow the weather's supposed to be nice, I'm going to a BBQ party on a nearby island and hopefully I'll hear from the university soon. Maybe things will turn around soon.

It's a scary, sick world. Today I heard that a little first grade boy on his way to school was attacked for no reason. A man drove up, threw a bottle of gasoline at the boy and lit him on fire. The boy is still alive but barely hanging on. That in itself is enough to send shivers down my spine but to top it off, it happened right outside of one of my best student's apartment buildings. She is a second grader and was probably on her way to school at the same time but was lucky enough to leave a little earlier.

At the risk of sounding like a cold-hearted witch, I knew it was only a matter of time before something like this happened. I've been meaning to comment on this issue for a while and what better time than now?

Everyone seems to think that Japan is such a safe place. I admit, when I first came to Japan I felt the same way but after being robbed once and having at least 3 acquaintances fall victim to hit-and-run accidents (one of which was fatal), I've changed my mind. It never ceases to amaze and horrify me how parents send their kindergarteners off to school or the store alone. If Fukuoka were a small town, that'd be one thing but it's not-it's one of the biggest cities in Japan. It's not uncommon to see 4-5 year-olds hanging out, apparently unsupervised, at the local 7-11.

In addition to the danger of wackos, there are also the basic dangers of city life such as traffic. The other day I saw a little boy riding his bike on a super-busy street that I won't even ride on. The boy and his bike together were smaller than my front tire so I can't imagine that the drivers of the cars could see him.

Maybe my perseptions of what is reasonable or safe for kids is too strict. I mean, I wasn't allowed to cross my street by myself until I was ten and I lived in a pretty safe neighborhood that averaged about 20 cars per day. Ok, I guess that's enough of my ranting. I mean, who am I to judge anyone's parenting skills?

I'm feeling pretty good about myself these days. I've really been hitting the books. Today I finished the first volume of my Korean Through English books that Jin's mother and sister sent for me. I can't say how good it felt!

Since I was so excited to move on and begin the second volume, I started right away. I was really in for a wake-up call. I went from feeling pretty smart using phrases like: 'When did you come here?' and 'what will you do tomorrow?' to feeling like an idiot.

On page 7 of the new book, there is a page long essay entirely in Korean. Of course there is also a list of new vocabulary but there are only 20 words on it...I wonder where I was supposed to pick up all the other words because I sincerely doubt that I learned all of those in the first volume. We'll see. I'm going to force myself to do a chapter a week.

In other news, I'm still waiting for news on Sweden and grad school. It's driving me crazy. I flip on my computer first thing every morning hoping for an email or announcement on the University Web site. I can hardly wait till 2:00 when the mailman comes. I've even started answering the door when someone rings the doorbell as opposed to quietly sneeking up to the peep hole. All that's come from that is a lot of Jehovah's Witness pamphlets piling up. At this point, I'd rather hear bad news than no news. I just want to find out where I'll be 3 months from now and if I should start concentrating more on Swedish than Korean.

So far, my vacation has been coming along nicely. All week I stuck to my daily regimine of study and reading, not to mention quite a bit of bicycling in the meantime so I'm pretty happy with myself. I even got to play tennis on Saturday, although I was really not on my game. In fact, I really stunk up the court.

But, yesterday was the climax of my vacation. Jin and I finally got to try a restaurant we'd been searching for for months. We saw it on a program about interesting places in Fukuoka. Luckily, I happened to run across an ad for it in a magazine the other day so we were pretty excited.

The draw of the restaurant, Zauo, is fresh fish...so fresh that you catch them yourself! We had tried to make resurvations but they said they were full all night so we decided to drop by just in case. We ended up getting a table but not one in the cool boats were you can fish right from your table. So, we had to stand on the side of the pool with our fishing rods...and stand...and stand. I thought it would be pretty easy. I mean, it seemed like these little kids were catching huge fish left and right. But, we were there for over an hour. Finally, Jin went to one end of the pool and I took the other. A man came next to me and stuck his line in for 2 minutes and pulled out a huge snapper. I had to help net it and I was quite perturbed. Who did he think he was, stealing my snapper and making me help him!? Luckily, soon after, I hooked my own. We decided that one was enough because we were really tired and hungry by that time.

I'm telling you, sashimi never tasted so good! I don't know why catching it myself made it taste so much better. Maybe it's human nature or maybe it's the Neaderthal in me. I know some people wouldn't eat it because they don't like to see what they are eating while it's still alive. I, however, have no problems with that. In fact, we even gave her a name, Twitchy-chan, since she was still kickin' well over an hour after I caught her. Right up until the last bite. Now that's fresh!

Twitchy-chan was so tasty that we ate every last piece...then took what was left(the head, tail, and bones) home to make garlic soup. Speaking of garlic, I think I've found the source of my stomach problems. As we were making the soup today I caught Jin just as he was about to add the slimey green garlic that I'd accidentally left out of the freezer. Although he swore up and down that it was OK since we were going to cook it...I insisted on using the fresh garlic. I wonder how many times I've walked into the kitchen just a little to late.

Anyways, I definately reccomend this restaurant to anyone who happens to be in the Fukuoka area. As for me, I'll go again (not without a seaside table reservation, though). I'm also looking into deep sea fishing excursions. I'm hooked.