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recent
Today was an extremely unpleasant day. I have found myself cast deep into the bowels of depression. But more on that after this obligatory update about my weekend.
As you know if you have read any of the entries for the last couple days, a freind from when I was a student in Kyushyu, and 4 of his friends came to Japan for some World Cup action ths week. They stayed at my tiny apartment for the two nights they were in Tokyo. The previous record for number of people crashing in my apartment was 4 I believe. That was a year ago when Kelly visited with some friends from Kyusyu. That time everyone fit in one room. I was sure having 6 guys in my apartment would be no problem, but as it turns out, I misjudged slightly. I wont say more.
As always happens when people visit, in the days before they arrive I find a part of me hoping they will change their plans and I can have my "free time" back. Fortunatly, however, they rarely do, and I wind up enjoying having visitors from out of town. I tend to take so much for granted, and miss the small things about Japan that are just so darn interesting... until soeone who is seeing it for the first time asks about it. Also, I wind up going to alot of places I would never go on my own. For instance, this time I wound up taking a trip to Yokohama just to see some excelent grafiti . A half-day trip that cost about $10 and was totally worth it.
Of course everyone always wants to go to Akihabara, God only knows why, and this I could do without, but at the end of the day I always get my way and take any visitors sight seeing to my favorite place, the red light district of Kabukichyo. The visitors reviews are always mixed, some find the lights, and people as interesting as I do, and some hate it. This time I think I was successful and no one seemed too put off by being approached by countless men in suits offering various "services" from the ladies in thier bars.
This time was especially interesting, as with the World Cup in Japan, there was an unusually high number of foreigners in the streets. We met several groups from Ireland who took time out of their busy drinking schedule to talk to us. Even a tiny Izaka-ya I like had the cup on TV and was filled with foreigners.
In the end though, the star of the weekend turned out to be Guri. I wish I had photos of 5 grown men cooing over a little bird and drawn to every move she made. They just coupldn't get enough. They even though it was cute when she started throwing the coins arond her cage at 5 am.
Now I get to tell you about my depression.
It's not much really, I found that today I was in an especially depressed state, and upon reflection as to why, I came torealize that I just can't make people happy. Sounds silly, but really what I like to do, and can really get into, is creating something that makes someone happy that a) someone else can't create, or b) someone else didn't think to create.
In my job, for the first year, when I really loved it, I was making everyone happy. I always went above and beyond their expectations. Brought new ideas to the table, and implemented them (usually) within their budget. Itis my own fault I guess, but now everyones expectations (the ones I used to surpas by a mile) have grown huge based on my past performance. Unfortunatly the budget has not budged. I find it impossible to even fulfill their expectations and stay in budget, let alone make them say WOW. Today I got a complaint from a client whose demands have far exceted thier budget, and thus our resources. It was a perfectly valid complaint, one that I would have never let happen a year ago. I realize that I while I will surely be able to make them "satisfied", by setting up alot of strict guidlines about what we will do an wont do for them, I have real doubts about being able to make them say "WOW".
At the sme time, I have been facing dilemas regarding this site. While there were also self-serving reasons for making it, the real reason was to make people happy. To make people say "WOW". I am afraid now, that I may be doing just the opposite and pissing people off. I give brief recaps of my life so that people I know in the US can know what I do. I take photos whenever I can for the hash and of events in my life, hoping it will make some people happy. Lately though, and after a (incredibly polite and friendly) complaint today, I am really wondering how to handle this. I think the only thing I can do is to only speak of myself, and not mention names. This is not really to huge of a problem, but then what about photos. My judgement as to wether or not a photo is "usable" is not good. The golden rule "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" does not apply since I would have others do so much more unto me than they would want sone to themselves. I enjoy a good dose of sarcasm directed at me, and often dispense it myself.
I have to come to the (extremely logical and common-sense) conclusion that I can't use any content that mentions any one but me without their permission. I don't know how I can handle that, so I will have to refine that as I go along, and piss off some people. (If you happen to be one of them sorry, it is not my intent). The fact that I have to change how i do this is not depressing however. What had me down today was that when I tried hard to do things that I thought would make peole happy (that would make me happy) I am more likely than not hurting them. Dang.
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