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I was going to go to bed without updating the site tonight, but then I got an email, and when writing the reply, I thought it was something that I really should put on the site.. you know, if I want to make it "real". I dont want to give away any of the email sender's privacy, though I don't care so much about mine, so I what I write here is not the exact same as what I wrote to that chap, but this builds upon the same ideas.

On leaving friends:

I have felt that many times as you have too, being someone who goes to foreign countries often... one thing I have come to realize though, that makes me to not realy feel it anymore, and be "indiferent" is that the people I really care about, I meet again ... and again.. and again... even people like [a friend from back in the day], who I was really great friends with [back in the day] ,then didn't see for years, and began to think was not really a "close freind" anymore because I had mved on in life in a different direction than he had moved. He has suddenly popped back into life and is now on he same level as [another freind from back in a different day] I would say... but the point is that I met [the first friend from back in the day] in Japan... who would have thunk it?

The whole reason I thought he was so different from me was becasue after I went home from Japan the first time, I met him and he had what I viewed as a "racist" attitude about japanese people summed up in "why the hell do you like it there?" and only bad things about Japanese people... I thought we had changed too much to be close anymore... but now he has changed too, and I have changed to understand (and agree with) some of what he was saying then, and I instantly feel close to him again. He remembers how he felt than and admits to that he disagrees with that attitude now, and now I suspect that he hates it when other people act like that toward him coming to Japan... he even wants to learn some Japanese. Anyway, the point is, somehow we always see the people we care about again... like I have met [the second freind from back in the day] so many times after Kyushyu... and I lived nearby [a third frined from in a day between the other two days] when I was in Kyushyu (my sencond trip and [the third friend's] second trip.. though it was total coincidence that we were both in Kyusyu)

On a comment the email coorespondent made about my being idiferent, or "carefree" as I think I used to be...

What the hell does this mean? I *used to be* indiferent, but YOU ruined that for me. :-)

You think I am indiferent now? I spend 90% of my time hating my current life and wishing I had a life how I want it... but when I really think about it logicaly, I see that I have a great life (when I view it as the old Kevin would view it) I have a great job... no matter how much I complain, I can not find someplace else that I think "I would much rather work there!" I have looked at severeal other web -develpment companies and they suck MORE than my curent company... imagine that!

I spend every night not wanting to go to sleep, (sleep is very important), becasue I can't really learn anyhting while sleeping, and if I dont read one more chapter about DHTML, or listen to one more news story about some politics somewhere that I will be stuck forever in my job I have now.. I know it is not true. I know that I am "only" 26, and alot will change in the next 5 years (less than 5 years ago I was in Maine with no desire to even learn about busnienss or internet like now) I know this, but I am so hyper-sensitive about my current status that I can not concentrate on anything else and even when I do something I like, I wonder if I should be doing it... should I waste so much time drawing? Should I waste so much time writing on my website?

So please dont call me indiferent. I truly believe "whatever" or "it'll come as it will." (as you wrote), but that doesn't mean that I live it.... I wish I could, but I dont. I do a good job of pretending sometimes I think, I am the person who is supposed to be "ses la vi" so I have to (and want to) pretend more... and it is my job (and I like th job) to try to bring both of us down to earth sometimes and say "hey... it doesn't matter so much". Even though when I say it I believe it logically, I don't always feel it emotionally.

How much does a hippo cost? How about a rhino? I was not supprised to find the pirce of a rhino... 20 - 30,000 dollars, but a hippo only costs $4,100 in the latest African animal auction. Before that the record was only $2,700 . If I had known that I might have bought one instead of a kayak...

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