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recent
I wrote a few days ago about how often I give up my recurring dream to learn the basics of sketching and painting. I suppose I could chalk it up to "not enough time", but that's just taking the easy way out. If I cut back on the time I spend playing with this computer I could do so many productive things. Unfortunately, my current finances are tied to playing with the computer more than I like them to be. While a few weeks ago I was enjoying the freedoms that come with working from home, a tight schedule recently got me into the habit of turning on the computer first thing in the morning, and spending most of the day in front of it. The schedule is not so tight anymore, but sitting in front of this thing sure is easy. It's great for tricking myself into thinking I am being productive.
It's time to get serious about making changes in my life again. It seems that I am getting serious about it every other week, yet despite the fact that my life now in no way resembles my life only six months ago, I never feel that anything is changing. Maybe it's because I didn't set any clear goals about what I really want to do with my time, and, as importantly, what I don't want to do with my time.
I guess a good place to start would be to re-describe my ideal lifestyle, take a serious look at how much of it I have come close to already, how much can be accomplished within the given time restraints, and just get to it. The thing is, I have little confidence that that will work any better this time than it has in the past. Generally what happens is I make a list of things I want to get done, things I want to practice and study, and then something else captures my interest. I spend too much time on it, and feeling guilty decide to cut back. Of course then I have one more thing added to my "want to do" list, which is always too long anyway. Cutting things off makes me feel like I have failed, and generally I still want to do almost everything that was on my list a year ago, and everything I have added since then.
In the end, to avoid having to decide what dreams to forget, I wind up sitting in front of the computer, doing something that appears to be worth the time. It's so easy to read a tutorial about something programming related, and because I can see immediate applications, feel that I have made progress. It's just not progress that leads to results I value.
I'll get cracking on that ideal lifestyle just as soon as I get back from my first early morning jog in over a week and seriously practice the speed-reading for the first time since Thursday (leisure reading before going to bed doesn't count). It makes me feel sick just thinking about the fact that I woke up over an hour ago, and have done nothing but check email and write this.
Update:
9:45 - An hour running along the river just now makes me feel a little better. Of course most of what I did was think about the other things that I wasn't getting done because I was spending my time running.
Running is such an inefficient use of time, it takes at least an hour each day for me to start feeling the effects. That doesn't sound like much I guess, but it makes for 7 boring hours each week in which I can not work, I can not read, I can not take photos unless I stop. I have to find some way to make it more efficient, some way to multi-task while running.
I used to be a member of the Tokyo Ladies Hash, a group of drinkers who get together and run every week. I guess that combines networking with running, and I haven't been there for over a year so there are probably some new people to meet. Maybe I'll give that a shot again this week.
Next time before I run, I'm going to make a list of issues I have to think about. Without the list, my mind tends to wander, and I ponder the same things again and again... mostly pondering how boring it is. Maybe a little hand-held recorder to record whatever great ideas I come up with...
What does anyone else do when they jog? Aside from loving the physical rewards, how do people make the time spent feel "worthy"?
Anyway, it's time for some stretching (that I can do while I read) and a half-hour's worth of push-ups and sit-ups. This too I can do while I read, so that aint bad.
10:45 - People keep calling me, asking me to help them out, drawing me back to this evil machine. I keep caving in and helping when I know I have more important things to do. I haven't gotten the push-ups done yet. Maybe my problem is that I sacrifice too much. Gotta stop being nice.
11:55 - I realize readers are not interested in a run-down of my daily life, but I'm just trying to get grasp on where my time goes each day. By now I've handled a few frantic phone-calls, pushed-up, sat-up, and showered-up. The tea is hot, the bread is baked, the news is read and I'm back in front of my computer, hoping to make a buck or two.
NPR is on the radio, and my emails are downloading. I'm going to shoot for a three hour no distractions workathon. Let's see how this goes.
3:30 - That went well, got some stuff knocked off the list, but it was pretty much only in-box items... answering emails and the phone, doing minor maintenance tasks, no real interesting work. Take a pee break, chat a bit on irc, soon I should be ready for another 3 hours. In the afternoon the number of calls and emails tends to die down, so I should be able to dedicate these next three to a single project, getting deep into it.
7:10 - Not bad. Got a good start on a new project. Of course I was supposed to have started this a week ago.
I also have one of the headaches I have been getting lately. This gives me an excuse to close the computer and do something else... maybe dinner, maybe wash the dishes... maybe run to the booze shop for a beer...
9:10 - Ok, The dishes are washed, so as to avoid the wrath of Tomoe. A fresh blob of bread dough is rising, waiting to be cooked up for tomorrow's breakfast. The living-room/bed-room/den/office/rec-room is vacuumed (it's all one room so don't be too impressed). Tea is brewing, and I'm refreshed and ready for another two hours of work.
I like the flute player, and I can totally related to your post. I am also rethinking how I spend time. I'm planning to limit blog updates to two posts a week (one with photos and one without). Other than that, the best thing I can do for myself sometimes is refuse to turn on the computer in the morning -- at least not until I've done some living and getting focused in the real world. The best things in life truly happen IN LIFE and not in front of a computer screen. I wish you well!
By the way, since I'm writing, please take a look at my blog and see if you'd like to link to it. I think we're doing somewhat similar things. It will only be updated twice a week though... :)
Hmm for me if i want to not touch the computer at all... i will either destroy it or unsubscribe the broadband. There is too many things that you can do in a computer + a broadband that you ended up sitting there. It may goes as simple as ohh maybe ill just spend 5min updating my blog... then ill start to think hey why not go to my favourite site... after i visit all my favourite site, ill start to do more and more things until it gets too late till i need to sleep or its time for school... >_
Hey,
Yep, I can totally relate to your post too. I keep meaning to reinvent myself but it just seems so hard each time. Instead I just sit in the office 8 hours a day, paying the bills and looking for a way out. Gotta get going...
Though I do feel a catalyst approaching soon.
I do seem to be opposite to yourself in your attitude to work. I remember a recent post whereby you said that since childhood you felt it if you weren't studying or working hard. I'm just a bum who could happily "hang the jerk that invented work" I'm not sure what's worse!
Another reason that I decided to post today; I scrolled down to another recent post and saw your plans for Golden Week. (I've been avoiding Japan based blogs for a week or so since we returned from Japan on vacation and it just brings me down..)
Synchronicity strikes, we were there for a fortnight, first week in Tokyo, second week was around Shikoku. A different hotel each night: Kochi, Nakamura, Uwajima, Matsuyama, Tokushima, Takamatsu, and then although back on Honshu; Okayama.
We should have gone for that drink in Kichijoji. I'll be back soon.
Jah guide and protect,
Rasta
Hmmm. I don't remember ever saying I like to work hard ;) I do like to be doing something, which is my problem now, with too many somethings.
I think we are planning to take a different route through Shikoku. We'll get off the night bus from Tokyo in Fukuyama. Ride across the islands bridging Honshyu and Shikoku, then counter-clockwise around Shikoku as far as we can in the week, still leaving a day or two in Kagawa, where I used to live.
We then take a ferry to Himeji, hang out there for a day, and Shinkansenn back to Tokyo.
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