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Fantasizing

Again, I just read my post form yesterday, and I feel that I was a little too.... well, I don't know, but I was too something. It was not meant to imply that everyone who isn't working toward sustainability is stupid, I wasn't even really trying to say that I was stupid (although that is exactly what I said). Basically, I am angry at myself for not taking a broader view of my sphere of influence, and I feel that I should have been smart enough to see through what I was taught growing up by the main-stream consumer society, be it on TV, at home, or at school. I don't know how to describe the feeling in English. In Japanese it is close to "kuyashii".

Anyway, the reason I posted those last two posts is that I am trying to figure out just what I am doing here. What's in it for me? What will this accomplish? As foolish as breaking our life-support system is, is it even more foolish to consider working toward something that the majority of the world is against ,or, at best, couldn't care less about?

I've also been wondering what "sustainability" means to people. Of course, if I don't know what it means to me, there is little chance that I could ever know what it means to other people. Unless of course other people tell me...

What does "sustainability" mean to you? Do you care? If so why? If not, why not? How would you rephrase such an overused word as "sustainability" into something more meaningful to you?

* * *

These pictures are again from the nearby nature reserve. I have to admit that I have been having some pretty crazy thoughts about that place lately. There is a lot of work that could be done there, and the guy in charge has some pretty lofty plans, such as converting one of the old barns into a youth-hostel so that people could find cheap accommodations to enjoy the beautiful surroundings.

I have been having this crazy idea that, after this one year program is over, I just may like to volunteer my help for some of that work in return for a room in an empty house on their property and an internet connection. I don't know how serious that idea is, but considering that Tomoe will be back in Tokyo for at least another year, and I really hate to think of living in Tokyo again after being here...

My unrealistic(?) day-dream generator is working overtime... Living in the place you see in those pictures, kayaking all the time in the islands you see in my pictures, still being able to do some web-work to pay any bills (although, I saved up for this year at school and ended up actually making more money than I use, so I still have those savings untouched and waiting), being able to learn a bit about farming, being able to perhaps teach a bit to visitors about not breaking the earth, being able to improve my Swedish (which is not easy when you spend all day with native English speakers)... it really is ticking my fantasy bone. The majority of it is actually nothing I have not fantasized about before, but in those previous fantasies Tomoe was there as well. Her absence is obviously the major (only) reason not to do this, but she will be working too many hours anyway, so even if I was in Tokyo I would not really see her that much, and of course there will be a new batch of sustainability freaks at the school which could give me a little company to keep me from going stir-crazy.

Bahh... the manager of the nature reserve probably doesn't even want me...

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