I'm afraid that what I write is systematically growing more boring, a little too introspective, looking too much at myself. Maybe that's why my readership is dwindling (or maybe it's simply because there are less photos). It's hard to take a step back and look at the "big picture" because my thesis now is focused on individuals' perceived role and power in creating a sustainable world. The individual I know most intimately is myself, and I keep reverting back to me. Everything I am asking the subjects of our thesis, I am asking myself.
In many ways, I think that my real question, the reason I came here, is less about how we can make a fair, sustainable culture that I can be proud of, and more about how realistic or possible it is. I guess I think that if I can figure out what my role would be in such a world, and how I can meet my needs without screwing everyone else, then I can have hope. If, however, I realize that the only way for me to meet my needs now is to destroy our future, then I don't feel I have any right or reason to ask others to try.
So, do I think it is possible? I really can't say yet. Theoretically, yes it is possible. I can see a vivid image how my life could be totally different, and totally un-reliant on fossil fuels, persistent chemicals, destruction of natural ecosystems, and slavery. Do I think it is possible for me to live that life? The jury is still out. While I can't say I have much hope, I haven't given up yet. But the one thing that is sure is that I can't do it alone.
Sure, if I want to live fossil-fuel free, I can sell my computer and move back to the land and hope I survive. That really wouldn't prove anything though, because if the rest of society is still screwing up, I'm going to be effected because no matter where I go, we, the earth, all people, all species are all connected. And I certainly wouldn't expect everyone to follow suit even if there was enough land to make it realistic. If I want to live a life that does not violate every one of the principles and values I have grown up with, and if I am to do it as a member of society, it has to be a society where living such a life is possible.
That said, I think too many people jump right to the consultant role without trying to consult with themselves first. I am still at a place where I have to prove to myself that it is possible, by doing the things I can realistically do now and still be a part of society, by pushing the boundaries of what I consider realistic. This whole year has been about creating an action plan for myself, and it is almost complete. Maybe soon I will feel ready (or be forced) to try to change others as well. The only thing I can do now is to ask people to think about and test themselves and their own boundaries and beliefs along with me.