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recent
As the end of our year long break from real life draws near, many of my classmates and I are faced with figuring out what to do next. Currently, what I tell people when asked, is that I am going to go back to Tokyo, join some clubs or organizations, get the lay of the land, see what's up, who's who, and where opportunities are before committing myself to something. I do however, have some "visions" of what my life could be like. I assume though, that I am not alone in the degree to which my "vision" of my (near) future vacillates. At times, I see myself in Tokyo trying to get a little project off the ground involving willing and local small/family businesses cooperating with each other to "move toward sustainability". This is perhaps the path that most closely follows what I have learn this year (in class). There are some details which I will skip for now, mostly because I am too unsure of it, and fear that to express a plan with so many holes in it only exposes my ignorance.
There are other plans as well. I can't vouch for the practicality of them, but these are just things that pop into my head when I am day-dreaming. Some sound like nothing more than an attempt to further prolong my re-entry into the world of "doers", such as looking for something to study for a PhD. I have a few ideas I would be happy to spend time on. The problem with this though, is that I am not sure I can stay focused on one thing long enough to finish several years of research. What's more, I know that the only reason I am really thinking of this is that I am unsure of what to do next and looking to escape responsibility. It's awfully tempting to run back to the comfortable world of school, a world I already have experience with, a world which would let me put off my "what do I do?" question for a few more years.
Some ideas are just plain irresponsible. Deliciously irresponsible. If you have read my site for long enough, you will remember me having written about a crazy idea to ride my bike around Japan taking photos and meeting people and capturing their stories (this was my backup plan for when I quit my job... in case I didn't get accepted to school and had no money). Maybe I could make money off of it, maybe not, but I would meet people, get connections, and something would eventually come out of it. This would be cheap, fun, creative, free, everything I have ever wanted. The big problem, of course, is that that is something one does when one is twenty-three. At thirty, perhaps I am a bit too old. On the other hand, my original idea was not focused solely on environmental / sustainability issues, though it would surely have had such a slant. Now if I should do something like that, such a theme would give me more focus and make it easier to make something (like money) out of it. Again, this is clearly just an effort to escape taking any responsibility for anything.
Recently, perhaps the longest held vision of mine has come to look more "realistic". This is the vision which I haven't dared to articulate for it's sheer audacity, a vision that I have had no reason to believe I could succeed at. This is a vision of me working outside. No office. No computer in front of me all day. It is a vision in which I am burdened with more responsibility than I have ever known.
To get a house in the country, work outside, work with your hands, work with the earth, strengthen your connection with the land... blah blah blah. It's such a cliche. at some point or another everyone seems to have this dream (what does that say about the lives we are currently living?). Until now, I have dismissed it as just that, a cliched romanticized dream that everyone has and is as grounded in reality as becoming an astronaut.
Of course, having met several people recently who have lived this way, and having had an opportunity finally to see what such a life looks like for real (not the TV version). I see that my way of thinking is closer to that of these people than it is to the people I have known most of my adult life. I feel myself agreeing more with their ideas and ideals than I do even with those of many of my classmates, and the course philosophy which was priming us to enter the corporate world as "sustainability consultants". Recently I am beginning to rethink my premature dismissal of that cliched vision.
Of course, moving to the country is not something I would just go and do in August, but it is something I could begin researching, something I can begin trying out, discovering if it really is what I think and want. Maybe my time when I get back is focused on finding people in Japan who are living such a lifestyle. Maybe I can learn from helping them, get a better idea of how "realistic" it is for me. Even if it should turn out to be nothing more than a dream, as least by learning about it I will be moving in the right direction toward finding something I would like to do. Maybe thirty years old is not too old to learn to do something that I have absolutely no experience with. Maybe thirty years old is not too old to find something I both enjoy and that does not assault my moral and ethical senses...
But wait, that's not all... there are other visions as well. For some time now I have had an idea of spending at least a year or two working in some developing country. If it is paid, that's great. If not, I count it as the second year of my one-year degree, which ironically was focused on "sustainability", but had little if anything to say about how realistically the ideas can be applied in the majority world. If I should ever end up in a decision making position regarding "sustainability policy" it would be completely irresponsible for me to do so without having any idea how those policies will effect the rest of the world.
If all else fails, I have a crappy vision of me taking a job at some company answering emails, writing memos, press-releases, and perhaps even inadequate "sustainability plans", helping them to look as though they are actually doing more to create a better world than they are destroying what we have left. Oh well, at least I will be able to afford to pay my rent and buy enough booze that I can forget what a shitty future I am contributing to.
Hey Kevin, I can see my question to you the other day about what's next has (had been) whirling around in that hyper active head of yours.
I found this piece the other day on one of the sites you link ( www.holmgren.com.au ). The paper is 'Permaculture in Japan: Foreign Idea or Indigenous Design?'. In it there are a lot of examples of farming, forestry, building, and business practices in Japan that are realy interesting. You may have already read this document, but it might be worth a look now.
Kevin, I don't think a person has to be embarassed to do what they are passionate about. In fact, it almost seems that doing something a person knows is wrong for them or is a lot like wearing an outfit that just defies all sence of self-esteem.
When I suggested the other day that you could do both what you are currently skilled at (design and communicating ideas) and what you are curious and energized about (photography and farming), I'm not just humoring you. My parents both have jobs and run a little farm of their own. You may be suprised how many people do both (work/earn and work/play).
I don't mean to hurass you about this at all, I guess my enthusiasm comes from my similar situation. I don't feel 'prepared' to be a cosultant and tell others how to improve their effort (current situation excluded) nor do I want to have a mundane 9-5'er devoid of desire. So, I've been thinking about local hands on ways of getting busy, getting to know people, and having something to show for it.
***
Since I just realized how bloody long this comment is, I'll cut it off, but I part with these words; Kevin, you can do what ever you want, and you want to have a good life, you can do it!
(forgive the motherliness of this post, I think by clock is ticking)
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